216. Stop Relying on Willpower, Start Building Habits That Work With Your Brain with Dr. Amy Behimer

Samantha Hawley (: 00:00

Hello everyone, we have a guest, Dr. Amy V. Hymer. Thank you so much for being here, Amy.

Amy Behimer (: 00:07

thank you so much for having

Samantha Hawley (: 00:08

my twin sister actually is the one who introduced Amy and I together. And I don't know if she mentioned me to you this often, but it was at least five times that she mentioned to me. She was like, I have this girl. Her name is Amy. She would be perfect for just you to talk to, for you to speak into her community, her to speak into your community. Like you guys would just vibe.

so well together that I need to make this happen. She said that so many times and then finally this past summer she made it happen. And I agree with her. I feel like it's been so amazing and lovely just connecting with you. And Amy actually did speak into my community. I hosted a challenge this past summer called Energized Summer and Amy gave tips about

exactly what she just shared, like reframing and goals and habits and all of that in a sustainable way. She spoke on the very last day of the challenge to create sustainable challenges. And that's what she's going to share with us today, especially with this airing in January. It's all about those of us who have set New Year's resolutions or intentions, whatever you might call it. And you might feel like you are

I don't know, maybe some resistance to those goals or you're slipping away from those goals already, or you just want to make sure that they're aligned with you and you're really sticking to them and they feel really good. Amy has all of the tips on those. I guess to start off, I'm curious how you got into habit coaching and were you always really good? Are you just like super disciplined or how did this come about for you?

Amy Behimer (: 01:52

That is such, gosh, I don't think I've ever been asked that questions, but behind the curtains, yes. If you ask people in my life, they would say I'm one of the most self-disciplined people that they've ever met to the point where it can even, you your strength can also become your weakness. And so ⁓ what got me into the coaching part of it was, you know, I really went,

Samantha Hawley (: 02:10

Mm-hmm.

Amy Behimer (: 02:21

all in to learn about myself through coaching. And I started to realize, wait, everybody doesn't think like this. Everybody doesn't say they're gonna do something and then completely do it. You know, like it fascinated me to learn more about humans and to learn more about, what's getting in the way and what are their strengths that maybe are my weaknesses. And so the more I learned about the science behind it,

And I'm a pharmacist by training. I've been a pharmacist for almost 20 years. And so you don't get into evidence-based medicine in the conventional medicine world without really valuing a good quality study and what the research shows. so taking that approach towards how can we take what gets in the way of people meeting their goals. And a lot of the people that I work with, everybody is working towards health goals.

feeling good, functioning at their best. They live with an autoimmune disease of some sort, which I do as well. And so how can we take that science-based approach and break it down so simply, so clearly, so tangibly that it's impossible not to reach your goals, really? I I like to say we need goals that become inevitable because...

it's not that the process doesn't stop working. A lot of times we just stop working. We stop working the process. And then it just became really neat. And now it just looks different because you know what I'm not self-disciplined about? Taking rest. And like these other things that it's just again reframing it and flipping it that I have the same goals and habits that I'm working towards. They just may look a little bit different, but it's the same.

science driving it if that makes sense.

Samantha Hawley (: 04:12

It's so refreshing and your approach now that I've experienced it is so refreshing, especially hearing that you are self-disciplined because I know self-disciplined people and the advice that they give typically is just do it. In fact, I was just at a networking event recently and someone was sharing how she has so much on her to-do list and she's

also like a hyper achiever and she just go, go, goes and she sets aside time for herself to do certain activities and then it gets away from her. And the woman next to me who also is a coach, she basically, her advice was, you just need discipline. You just have to do it. Set those timers. And in my head, I'm like, there is so, it's the belief behind it. There's like, it's so much deeper than that. And in fact, with my health,

One of my best friends is a health coach and she also does hormonal stuff. I texted her one day and I was like, listen, give me all of your best advice. How do I start working out? Because I really want to exercise. I have these goals. I've tried motivating myself. I've tried scaring myself into it. Literally, she said, just do it. I was like, yeah, that's not working for me.

Amy Behimer (: 05:36

Yeah, no, I like to say, especially like when you get in the world of even like mindset things where maybe you have a goal to be more positive, be more optimistic. I like to say that that doesn't feel very tangible. So I like to say, I will show you the work behind just the answer. So, you know, when you used to turn in like a math problem, they don't wanna see just the end result. They wanna see the work. So.

It's really about showing the work behind it and work is such a strong word because work, yes, it takes effort, it takes attention and energy, but it's so worth it and it pays you back. I mean, quadruple fold when you learn how to make changes in a way that works with your brain, with your body. And we kind of opened with like tips and tricks. And I always like to say hacks, tips and tricks are like the antithesis of habits, which

is what we are gonna talk about because they work once when we do the tip or trick or the hack. But it's like, how do we reframe that and say which ones, when we do them, we feel good and we want to make them the automatic. We want to make them habitual that then we get to spend our energy and attention going after the next thing that we want to add in and layer in. Again, all in the name of feeling good.

and being our healthiest. Because again, I came to all of this really just wanting to feel better, to function at my best after being ⁓ diagnosed with something that what the textbooks will tell you is anything but hopeful. know, chronic, neurologic, progressive, debilitating. ⁓ And so still wanting to set goals and make ⁓

progress in those areas in the face of some things that you know society would tell you well that's going to be hard to do and it's like well yeah but that's that's what we're here to do.

Samantha Hawley (: 07:37

Yeah, I love science-backed anything. Learning the reasoning why makes me so much more likely to learn about it and to do it and to stick with it. And I'm curious, why is it then, or is that the reason that habits in particular is the most effective way potentially to, I don't know, to feel your best and to like...

pursue your goals and our habits and goals the same thing? So many questions are coming at me.

Amy Behimer (: 08:10

So many good

questions. So habits are amazing, A, because the science, if we're talking about health and that could be energy, that could be, I think happiness is health. I mean, anything feeling good. The science behind lifestyle habits is so clear. If we eat better, if we move more or less, depending on what state you're in, if we rest and relax, if we connect with others, like,

if we can optimize our lifestyle habits, it is very clear that our bodies will thrive and our brains will thrive and our minds will thrive. Then, so that's one like clump of evidence that we have. Well, that there's often a bridge though to get to that because we, I'm guessing if you're listening, you have some goal related to lifestyle that you've said or you feel like you've.

are on again off again or you just wish you could be consistent like you said movement, food, we all have something but the disconnect often is actually making them a habit and once they become a habit then it becomes the natural your brain gets to power down and it gets to run on the healthier happier version on default and so there's a bunch of science behind how to do that as well so we have these like habit change science

and then we have the actual lifestyle habit science. And so it's the two of them together when we can figure out how to ⁓ again, blend those together. That's when magic can happen and we start to just be really intentional about what we want. Like I'll notice in people's language, you know, I had a client the other day who said, I just want to be more deliberate about getting outside.

And I'm like, you're using a different word, but you want to make it a habit to get outside. Or I want to be intentional about this. It's like, okay, that's just a different word. We want it to become the habitual thing that we do automatically.

Samantha Hawley (: 10:19

Yeah, I had this same realization when you spoke to my community and I'm having it again. I'm not sure why it's not sticking yet, but every time it's like the emoji where my mind is blown, but I'm reminded that habits make our decision fatigue less. It gives us more energy because then it's one less thing to think about and we have more energy and we're healthier and happier without thinking about it, without.

We don't have to put as much energy into exercising, into what foods we're going to be eating, into washing our face at night, into all of these things, which seems so refreshing. it's like on one, like logically, I know this, I know I should be doing the thing. But also there's a lot of us that feel like it's so hard to start doing the thing. Or a lot of us at this point in January might be feeling like it's hard to stick to.

So what are your thoughts on either starting it or especially sticking to it?

Amy Behimer (: 11:16

Yes.

So I think a couple points ⁓ about my approach that are worth mentioning to answer that question would be one, rethinking a habit. So I think most people think a habit is what you do or don't do. And the first shift would be realizing that before your actions, before Samantha is working out in the gym, there are layers of habits. There's the habitual thoughts behind how you're

thinking and feeling about working out that are important to look at. And so I kind of call those going to the root. So they're more upstream. And if we are thinking and feeling about working out in a way that serves us, working out feels easy. It feels, and so going to the root, it may seem a little bit slower. So if it's the beginning of the year and you're ready to,

Eat a certain way, not eat a certain way, move more. It may feel like slowing down to go to the root is not what you want to do because your brain wants some immediate satisfaction, but slowing down and going to the root and doing this in a really holistic way is actually how we are able to do this in a way that we enjoy and stick with. So what if you were to give yourself, everybody listening?

whole year to actually instead of meet one of these goals you know every the statistics are really alarming it's like 70 plus percent of people want to eat better in the new year it's something like 60 plus want to move more or differently but only 20 percent of people want to learn a new skill and so what I like to say is what if this new year

you commit to learning the skill of habit change, learning the skill of how to set a goal and reach it. And again, your brain is gonna be like, no, that's gonna take too long. But just imagine if you have that skill, it doesn't matter what habit, what area of your lifestyle. I mean, part of my ⁓ approach is these six key areas.

And a lot of people may not think like, connection or relationships is a area I need to set a habit goal in. You may be like, that shouldn't need habits. This should be fun and enjoyable. When we get intentional, deliberate and set habits in all of these different areas, and we've learned the skill to follow through on it, like magic can happen because it's just we feel as if we're creating what's in front of us instead of feeling like we're being drugged by what's happening.

Samantha Hawley (: 14:11

Yeah. That's really insightful and something that I hear a lot, especially towards the end of the year and at the beginning of the new year, is that a lot of women especially, but I think people in general, struggle with the black and white mentality, the all or nothing mentality. And that's what I feel like with your do or don't do mentality, that that's kind of the same thing of like...

We either do this thing or we don't do this thing. We eat this thing or we don't eat this thing. And that is such a different energy than I'm going to learn to eat a protein at every meal. Like that almost sounds like, especially for us hyperachievers, like a fun challenge to embark upon, you know, versus restriction. It's kind of, or like with saving money, it's like, how much can I save versus how much can I not spend and like the restriction.

Amy Behimer (: 14:51

Yes.

and the money thing is such a good example because we all understand that if we want a bank account that has a million dollars in it, whether we realize it or not, we need a hundred million pennies. And so like those little things, it may feel like, my God, this one penny doesn't matter. It all adds up. Some habits will feel like you just deposited $3,000 in because your body is like, thank you, I've needed this. And it feels like we take big jumps.

But when we are getting frustrated, it's likely because we have not gone down and trusted enough in the tiny steps that get us there, the pennies that get us there. And that's the first thing about goals, if we're gonna talk about goals, is that the way I teach, live, breathe goals is that it's really a two for one. We really have two parts to any time we say we have a goal. One is a more zoomed out version. One is that

that bigger picture, some people call it like a big hairy audacious goal that is further down the line. It's a vision that's pulling us forward. Those we need, they're helpful, but we have to pair it with a habit goal that we are working on today. So being that healthy eater, like you said, we have to pair it with what does that look like today? And how do I know that I am reaching it, tying it back to where it's getting me? And that could be

protein at every meal. And you'll know if it's a habit goal, if you can say, okay, I did this today or not. We can't lose 20 pounds today, but we can go an extra lap around the block or we can for some of us take 20 minutes to get bored and let our nervous system rest for a second.

Samantha Hawley (: 16:51

Hmm. This is really so good. And I'm wondering if there are listeners who are thinking like, this is amazing, but they're also feeling really good right now. Like they're maybe still on that high of like, they're already implementing all of these things. So they're nodding along like, yep, yep, yep. So I'm curious, what are some reasons or maybe triggers that we can look out for?

of other reasons maybe of why goals fail or why we are derailed from our habits? And do you have like, I know that this is literally what you teach your clients, but ways that we could overcome some of those big ones when we feel like we are failing?

Amy Behimer (: 17:37

For sure, for sure. There's really six research back reasons why goals fail. And the cool thing is like the first four, we can, you're listening here and you have a pen and paper, you can nail those first four. You can get pretty close. I wish I could teach how to do all six in an hour. That would be amazing. you'll hear in a second, number five and six.

take more nuance and take a little bit of our work and maybe even support for some of us. But, but you know, reason one is that we haven't set the goal. So it is in the high 80 % of people don't currently know know a goal they're working on. And so like right now, if someone were to ask you what's your goal, if you don't have it on the tip of your tongue ready to say, then that's reason one. Like we have not put a stake in the ground that this is my goal.

Writing it down is even better. I mean, it's down to like only, I wanna say eight or 9 % would ever write it down. So reason one, we haven't set the goal and we can fix that one right now. Pause, write down your goal. Now we'll make it better with the next ones, but you know, we'll make it actually ⁓ one that ends up fueling you and not, you know, dread. But the second reason goals fail is that we forget about them. So, so.

Samantha Hawley (: 19:00

That's literally what happens to me. I'll write

it down and forget.

Amy Behimer (: 19:04

Yeah, our brain, they are processors. They are not storage containers. And so we want to beat ourselves up for not remembering how did this happen. And so it's finding a system for remembering. And, and a lot of times that's where we really, again, come back to the skill of habit change and stick with something. And we have a habit of throwing goals out there and just kind of letting them fade away. But whatever happened to that goal?

Again, that's a habit that we could break. so imagine if when you're setting your goal, imagine if you have to follow through on that goal until it's reached. Now, that could mean that you assess it and you change the goal. That's okay. But we're not, I call it quitting on accident. I call it, it's okay to quit a goal on purpose. I am all for it. We even, have a habit tracker that one of the sections is goals that we quit on purpose.

because that tells our brain, ⁓ it didn't just fall off. Like I decided to quit that goal. So number one is the goal is never set. Number two is that we forget it. So yes, there are reminders, there's technology ways to remember, but overall we need a system that keeps our goals top of mind and brings us back to them. Because yeah, we're human and it's, we need to keep reminding ourselves of what we're going after.

Samantha Hawley (: 20:03

I love that.

Amy Behimer (: 20:32

Number three, you ready for number three? Am I going too fast? Number three is that the goal is too big. So again, we have a, it's a, I have a habit playbook, the ABC habit playbook, and it's these 26 strategies that we are gonna touch on today. We've already touched on some, but the same strategy may not work for the same habit for the same person at the same time. So that's why we need a plethora of strategies to work on this.

Samantha Hawley (: 20:34

No, this is great.

Amy Behimer (: 21:00

But one of the strategies is to trust in the tiny. And it's not just tiny habits or break it down. You know, there's the two minute rule from atomic habits. There's all these ways. Trust in the tiny is very intentional in that a lot of times our brain will tell us that that's too small to make a difference. And so the trust is in there because truly trusting and believing that the smaller the goal that is reached,

will add up over time and is the way forward is huge. So if the goal is too big or if the goal is outside of our control, then reason number three, we boil it down, we bring the goal within our control and we make it small enough that we are able to reach it.

Samantha Hawley (: 21:47

I love that one.

Amy Behimer (: 21:49

Number four is that it has to be or number four reason that a goal fails is that somebody else sets the goal. You didn't set the goal. And this is there's another you know I love the habit researchers and the greats I have incorporated and I've incorporated all of their wisdom into what I do and so people have read atomic habits people have read tiny habits

Samantha Hawley (: 21:59

Mmm.

Amy Behimer (: 22:15

I'm like great bring it some of these things I put my twist on it, but it's from their research and so BJ Fogg wrote Tiny Habits and he said there are two habit absolutes So to make or break habits these two things need to happen One it needs to be something you deeply want and that ties with this reason if it's a goal someone else set then you're gonna feel like you're going uphill and so it's either figuring out what you want or

Let's say you know that you want to, let's use sugar. At the beginning of the year, a lot of times people maybe want to eat less dessert or sugar. You logically know that that's what you want, but if you aren't truly, like, if you haven't truly understood what sugar is doing to you, what sugar is, how it's getting in the way of what you want, whether it's with your health or with other goals in your life,

then it may not feel like your goal. You may feel like you're trying to do it because you just, you know that that's what's good. And so that's where learning some of the why behind it so that any goal you have, you really internalize and make it your goal, if that makes sense.

Samantha Hawley (: 23:27

Yes, I am already thinking of journaling prompts on this because I feel like some people listening, especially if they're driving or doing dishes or casually listening, they might be like, yeah, yeah, of course I want to eat less sugar. Of course I want to lose 10 pounds. But if you really stop to think of like, but do I really? Or is it because everyone wants to cut out sugar? Is it because everyone and their mom is trying to lose weight right now? It was about, I don't know, a year and a half ago maybe at this point.

Amy Behimer (: 23:50

Yeah.

Samantha Hawley (: 23:57

that I actually stopped working out. And it was because I just didn't want to. And I ended up journaling on it. And I realized I just stopped fighting this, like, I don't know, this concept of like, I was a health and fitness coach through Beachbody for 12 years. And I just got to this point, and through Beachbody, it's like, you pretty much have to, you don't have to work out every day. But you you're encouraged to when we post it in our stories. And I was just like, I don't want to do it anymore. Like, that's not my-

goal and it felt so freeing to not do that. Yes! And I was like, ⁓ my God, it was like a weight lifted off my shoulders and it opened me up to a different goal and a different habit that I could work on.

Amy Behimer (: 24:29

I liberating. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, it feels like your brain would quiet down, then all of a sudden what you want will totally present itself. And that sometimes we think is that if we let our foot off the gas of what we think we should want, like we're just gonna let everything go and we're gonna end up so unhealthy and so unhappy and the exact opposite is true. Like all of a sudden now your desires are gonna start to be able to be heard.

Samantha Hawley (: 24:45

Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Amy Behimer (: 25:06

And you you said journal prompt and so something that I think is super helpful is whatever your goal is. So let's say you're not sure if it's something you want or not. You know, maybe challenge yourself to come up with an absurd number of reasons why you want it. I mean, let's say 20, 30, 40, and it's interesting what your brain does when it's hitting that fatigue at there's no way I have more reasons I want this and it will go looking and find

different reasons and it could be the 45th one that you look at and you're like, whoa, that is hitting home. And I mentioned connection earlier, I even challenged myself to do this with relationships. And so let's say my husband, if anybody's married, I mean with anybody, can, life can present annoyances or things that you... ⁓

You know, it can be habitual of, my gosh, well, that's kind of annoying. Sometimes I sit down, I challenge myself with coming up with 50 things that I love about my husband. And again, the places that my brain goes that I can never predict is wild. And all of sudden when I'm done with that, I mean, he has said before, he's like, what's different? You know, I'm like, I just spent time journaling about how much I love you.

Samantha Hawley (: 26:11

Hmm.

Amy Behimer (: 26:29

You know, and it's just, it's a different, when you can do that with parents, you can do that with children. It's just kind of a neat way to really tap into that one. I tie back to a goal, my goal is to stay married and to really act lovingly towards my husband. That is a goal. So that's one of the, how do I make sure that this is my goal and something I want, and that's just a way to connect to the why. And it becomes kind of obvious.

Samantha Hawley (: 26:30

Yeah.

Yeah, that's really helpful. And one of my past private clients, that's one of her goals is to be really intentional, going back to that word, of the energy that she brings into her marriage. And when she closes her laptop at five o'clock and goes home, just being aware of how she shows up and not just bringing her stress and dumping on her husband. So that's a really good tip. I hope she's listening and does that.

Amy Behimer (: 27:22

Yeah, another one that

I do, is kind of, you know, some people are like, what? I don't know if I have the bandwidth to do that. But you said, what if someone's feeling really good? The people I work with, that's the goal is that we are not coming from a place where we feel like we're putting out fires. That happens. And we often have some big boulders where we want to prove to ourselves we can be consistent. We want to start. But the best part is when you want to keep working together because things are good and you just want to get better.

And so one of them that I have is I always have a couple goals going in each of the six key areas of lifestyle. So one of those is connection. And so this has probably been four or five months, the first of the month. This is my super secret ⁓ connection goal. I will go to somebody important to you. So it could be a spouse, it could be a child, it could be someone you live with, because that tends to, you you have a lot of thoughts about that. But I go to...

Ben, my husband, and I say, I have a whole goal for connection. What is something that I could work on this month? A habit that would help, that would make you happy. would, you know, now some people are like, wait, you gotta have your own goals. I do have my own goals. But one of my goals is to show up in a really loving way for this person. And so I, in the first couple of months, he's like, no, you don't have to do anything. But now, I mean, it's,

you know, one time it was, you please shut off the basement light? When you go down there, you always come in. And one time it was, you know, when I put my sink on the, or when I put my dish on the counter, I always leave a paper towel on it. And then it gets wet and it gets messy. And it was, I came up with this idea because he said, you're so good at setting, at making habits. Can you make this a habit? And I said, challenge accepted. using the playbook, I now do that. And so,

Samantha Hawley (: 28:53

Yeah.

Amy Behimer (: 29:18

Yeah, so that's just a fun way to look at habits in a different way that we can use them for so many juicy fun things.

Samantha Hawley (: 29:23

Yeah.

Yeah, I love that. So you can mention the next two, ⁓ but I know you said that they're more in depth and I have another question about ⁓ where to start.

Amy Behimer (: 29:36

I know we get so on tangents. So yes, the other two, I can go more briefly because these are the ones that do take time and take troubleshooting. So the fifth reason is that we don't enjoy the journey along the way to the goal. So again, back to BJ Fogg, we talked about that first habit absolute has to be something you want. The second one has it has to be something that you enjoy. You have to

Samantha Hawley (: 29:39

Yeah.

Amy Behimer (: 30:04

It can't feel like you're white knuckling it, depriving yourself, 30 days of this. If I don't drink in January, if I do Whole30, you know, then we're getting to the destination, but then we're going right back to what we want to be doing. So it's about changing that. So really figuring out how to work with your brain. That's where these strategies come into place to ⁓ enjoy the journey, to enjoy

Samantha Hawley (: 30:20

Yeah.

Amy Behimer (: 30:33

journey just as much as the destination. So that's five. That takes a little bit more. We can't solve that on this call. And then the sixth one is really not having a place to troubleshoot. you know, having books is amazing. Having ⁓ different resources is great, but at the end of the day we're human. We can't see what we can't see. We will fall off if there is a track we're on.

We will fall off, we will stumble, we will not meet the goal, and it's what we do in that time. And having the belief in yourself and your support system that it's not the end of the road for you, that's just a learning, an experiment that you're gonna pick up and on.

Samantha Hawley (: 31:17

When I was a coach, there was a, especially in the beginning years, there was a time where we would post a lot of graphics. They're not memes, but it was just like Google graphics of like motivational quotes, if you will. And I still remember this one. I probably posted a bunch throughout the years, but it was of a car and it was a car you could see all four tires and one of them was slashed. And it was saying how like,

Giving up after eating one donut is like slashing all four tires when you've really slashed one. That's not it. But you get the concept. It's like giving up after you really just like, it was a tiny blip, yet we make it seem like this huge ordeal.

Amy Behimer (: 31:54

Yeah, totally, totally.

Well, and I have slashed four tires and set cars on fire related to eating. I mean, hands down, if I didn't, if I, I like to think that some of my habit goals, like I say small crunchy things in bags, sugar, like if I didn't have those keeping me humble, like I would not be as great of a coach, but I still have that. And that image is so powerful because I really have ⁓ slashed all those tires and.

And maybe I know that I know we're going off on tangents, but the play from the playbook for that. So when we talk about, how do we take these different strategies, the play is called, ⁓ go to the root where we actually spot what I call thought errors in that moment where we see that the one tire is slashed, right? So we ate three cookies and then we have the choice.

we either repair that tire and keep going, or we slash the other three. In that moment, there is going to be a thought. If you pause like a movie and like go in slow motion, there's gonna be a thought in your brain that most likely is saying, well, I blew it. I will start tomorrow. Or it's over. That is what we call a thought error. That's not true. You didn't blow anything. We can start today and it's like,

Samantha Hawley (: 33:16

Mm-hmm.

Amy Behimer (: 33:27

really getting good at finding those little thought errors that are getting us off track and convincing us to stay in those old habitual patterns. And so that's an example of kind of some of the work behind it, the how behind it is once we find that thought error, what do we do with it? And that's like a really powerful, don't go slash the rest, we will figure it out, we'll change this one.

Samantha Hawley (: 33:43

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, super powerful. And I can see how that you can do in so many different areas as well. By the way, I love our tangents. I feel like there's the most valuable, right? That's like what the listeners are probably like, yes, that's what I'm struggling with. But that brings me to my next question of there's those, I think you said six different areas that you can set a habit in. And already I'm like, okay, I could definitely set, you know, health and money and connection, all of these things.

Amy Behimer (: 33:58

Yes.

Totally.

Samantha Hawley (: 34:21

And I know you have a resource, I think that helps you kind of pick which one. ⁓ So where would you guide someone that's thinking, want to do all of the habits, I want to flip over my whole life, I have so much improvement to do, what is your advice or where would you direct people to choose where to start?

Amy Behimer (: 34:40

Yes, so we will trust in the tiny. We will trust that it almost doesn't matter what your first goal and habit goal is because you're going to get really good at the skill and you'll get to the other ones later. But let's land on the first one. And ⁓ a resource that I have is a free quiz that takes some of the science behind it. It asks you, I think there's seven questions. It takes about three minutes and it lands you in one of these six areas that

when we are looking at our health and our happiness, it lands you in one of those six areas that is probably the best place to start. It's probably the place you want to start most. And those six areas are mindset. So mindset is in all of them, but pulling it out and actually having, you know, ⁓ looking again at what are we thinking that could be blocking us is huge. so mindset is one, food is another one.

Movement is a third one. Rest and relaxation, so all things sleep and de-stressing is the fourth one. Connection and relationships is the fifth one. And the sixth one is good stress and good has quotes around it. It's the challenges that you take on when you feel like you're in a place that you want to do something hard, the challenges you take on to grow through and to get stronger through.

And we all understand physical good stress. You you're going to work out at the gym and your muscles are going to be screaming at you. And you're like, yes, you know, I'm good sore because I've broken it down and I'm building up. But the other kinds of good stress are emotional good stress. So working through some things that potentially feel tough, but you know what's on the other side, cognitive good stress. So again, helping challenge our brain. ⁓ And then metabolic good stress is one that's particularly important for health with autoimmune disease.

because we can do these various things to put our body under a little bit of stress metabolically that ends up helping us feel better and be healthier. And I've never met somebody that I've worked with that a goal hasn't fit in one of those six areas. So, you you mentioned one of money and, you know, money a lot of times, or if people are struggling with something at work, because work is very real part of our life, that is often under the good stress.

of, this feels like a hurdle and what do I want to do and how can I find the day-to-day habit goals that help me get closer to not having this be such a source of stress.

Samantha Hawley (: 37:19

Yeah, those seem like all-encompassing. And I took that quiz. Mine was movement. That's what I landed in. yeah. Right. Yeah, exactly. Now I'm to the point. So that was a year and a half hiatus of exercising. And now I'm to the point of like, all right, I'm craving like my muscles being sore again. You know, I'm craving like the movement. So yeah, that definitely made sense for me.

Amy Behimer (: 37:28

Okay, well that not surprising because that's what you said. You said I want to exercise. Yes.

Yeah.

Samantha Hawley (: 37:46

The last question that I was going to answer, or answer, I did answer it in my head. I was thinking of asking it and as I'm thinking about it, you kept saying things and I'm like, this is fine. This is fine. So the question was like, how are you different from all the health and fitness coaches and mindset coaches online? And like, why is it?

⁓ that somebody should work with you. And I think that before you answer, I want to just reflect what I've been hearing because I think that that might be ⁓ interesting for my listeners. I don't know if they are also seeing this. And first, I want to say you're not like a health and fitness coach. I know we've been talking about that and listeners might have health and fitness goals right now. You are a habit coach and you help with habits. And I think that that is very different.

Amy Behimer (: 38:22

Okay.

I will, but I

am a health and wellness coach. Well, so that's just one piece of it, but yes. Okay.

Samantha Hawley (: 38:43

True.

Yes, yes,

that's one piece of what you do. That's a good clarification. And you clearly have tips to help with the movement and the nutrition and the sugar and all of that. But to me, it's like the habits beneath it all is so much bigger and so much more helpful and so much, I'm all about the ripple effect and how one tiny thing that you do ripples into.

all different areas of your life and all different relationships in your life. And I sense that from you. Like it's not just what you would likely receive from a lot of other people out there. And even just a lot of the tools that I jotted down from you, it's deep work, right? Like going to the root and some of these other things too. It's like really transformative. It's not just, you know, here's the-

a goal setting tip. Here's the tips and tricks earlier that I mentioned. Actually, it's a lot deeper than that. Anyways, I just feel like what you do is really, really powerful and that you have science-backed research and resources that back that up, that make it so valuable to work with someone like you. Then of course, the accountability. I read once that

Amy Behimer (: 39:43

Yeah. Yeah.

Samantha Hawley (: 40:06

working with a coach makes you 500 times more accountable and more likely to follow through on something. So that alone, and then someone of your caliber as well is just like a no-brainer. But now I'll let you answer the question.

Amy Behimer (: 40:12

I believe it.

That's a well, that's a that's a such a good question. I don't think I've ever answered it in that way. But an example I would give is, you know, we have a habit every Wednesday in my group, which is called the club to find a win to celebrate out loud, you know, to to spot it because when we find wins and things to celebrate, even when it feels hard, our brain goes looking for more. And so I love what you said about. You know,

it being the deeper work, some people, if I look back, they consistently are celebrating how they're thinking different, how they're feeling different, how their perspective is different, because that's what they wanted. Whatever you come wanting is likely how you're gonna see the results. Then there's some people that they're celebrating miles walked and ⁓ cookies avoided and

these very tangible habits because that's what they came wanting. So they wanted the, I call them inner outer habits. The inner ones are the ones that are happening inside that Samantha, can't see me thinking and feeling, but I have a habitual way of thinking and feeling that is coming out of my pores, all of us are. And then the outer habits are the ones we're actually doing where you can see what I'm gonna eat for lunch and you can see

how I'm moving my body, whatever you are wanting, this is what I would say, like why it's different, whatever you are wanting more of, most likely that's how your results and your celebrations are gonna come out. And there's room for all of it. So if you go to my website, if you go to take the quiz, everything says the word autoimmune on it. Because an autoimmune disease, had four in my life, a few have been reversed, but I live with multiple sclerosis.

an autoimmune disease is what brought me to this work. And what binds all of us with autoimmune disease is we want to feel better. So we maybe have fatigue or symptoms that are not great. So we want to feel better. And that's where those outer habits, are very tangible things that we know help our bodies be the healthiest they can be. But the second thing is we want to take back a sense of control. Can we control everything? Absolutely not.

but we want to feel super proud of our role in our health and in our happiness. And one of my first clients said, I am here because I want no regrets. I want to go to bed at night knowing I did what I could. And I'm like, you just took the, I didn't know to call it that yet, but when I got into this work, I was like, I want no regrets. I want to know that I call it controlling the controllables, which are those six key areas. And,

Samantha Hawley (: 43:00

that.

Amy Behimer (: 43:16

So what would be different is doing what you can to feel and function at your best. So that's where the health and wellness piece comes in, is that it's not just about the feels, it's not just about the mindset. We have really tangible outer habits, outer goals that are gonna help our bodies function better to practice on. You know, it's kind of like they're the real life work that we get to use to put these things into practice.

Samantha Hawley (: 43:39

Yeah.

And I would also argue that you help people learn to celebrate themselves. I mean, that's what you opened up with. And that's what I see with almost every woman that I work with is that they don't celebrate themselves and they know this about themselves and they, but they also don't really do anything to change it unless I challenge them to do it. And so I love that that's like a core piece of your program.

Amy Behimer (: 44:05

Yeah.

Yeah, I have a podcast episode called Bragg-A-Bit and it's about how actually, like you talked about the ripple effect. While bragging can have a bad connotation, if we all bragged a little bit about what we're doing, like what if, know, when I, next time I run into someone and they say, how are you? And I said, you know what? I actually had a goal that I was going to walk a 5K and I'm so close.

Samantha Hawley (: 44:13

haha

Amy Behimer (: 44:36

At first you may be like, oh my God, what is she talking about? then that person may say, oh, well, maybe a goal would be fun. Well, I just did this. Imagine the ripple effect and the contagiousness if we start making these goals something that we really love, like fall in love with a goal and use it. The only reason we may not be in love with it before is because we used them as something to beat ourselves up with.

And like we're ditching that, we're gonna use them to become more of the person we wanna become. Become more of, ⁓ again, the health and happiness that we aspire to. And it's really the current health and happiness we have is a one big culmination of our habits. And so we just trust in the tiny and one at a time, one thought, one feeling, one action, slowly start to shift that direction.

so that we're heading to a different destination.

Samantha Hawley (: 45:38

this is so good and so helpful and so enlightening and so, I always leave our calls feeling so inspired and like incapable of just starting and doing it.

Amy Behimer (: 45:46

capable

Well, yeah, and and yeah pay attention if you're listening to other podcasts besides this one if you're ⁓ Any yeah pay attention to how you feel because if spaces where you feel Empowered and spaces where you feel like you can do it like that's a there's a whole scientific term of that called self-efficacy That little voice of like I can do this that is proven to improve immune function lower inflammation So like find the spots the people

that have you saying to yourself, can do this and lean in. That's my advice. Lean in to, we can't do anything alone ⁓ and we get to enjoy learning and doing with others and lean into that.

Samantha Hawley (: 46:34

That's amazing. Well, in that spirit, I will add all of Amy's links of where you can find her and the quiz so that you can lean into her world. And I'll also link your podcast too, because she has a podcast ⁓ that has incredible advice and more of what we've talked about today. So this is truly amazing.

Amy Behimer (: 46:45

Yeah.

And I'll give the link

where you were on the podcast because, ⁓ goodness, people love it. I've ⁓ gotten feedback and it was just as wonderful. And thank you to your sister, of course. You know, like when someone you really trust recommends a book and you're like, I'm gonna read that or I'm gonna watch that. I feel like when she said you need to meet my sister, it was the same way. I was like, okay, I need to meet her sister. Yeah.

Samantha Hawley (: 46:56

Yeah.

Yeah, awesome.

Well, thank you so much for being here, Amy.

Amy Behimer (: 47:20

Thank you so much for having me.