215. The Fear That Keeps You Working at 9 PM (Even When You’re Exhausted)
You tell yourself you’ll only check one thing. Fifteen minutes later, you’re still working.
It’s late, your body is tired, and you’re frustrated because you meant to stop.
Today, we slow the moment down and look at what actually keeps pulling you back to work - the “just in case,” the fear of what might happen if you stop, and the belief about your worth that’s tied to staying available.
Journaling Prompts
- What is one work behavior you know you should stop, but can’t make yourself stop?
- What do you think will happen if you stop doing this behavior? What’s the fear underneath it?
- What does this behavior give you? Or what would you lose if you stopped?
- What belief about your worth or value is tied to this behavior?
This belief is the root. It’s what keeps you working at 9 PM. It’s why turning notifications off feels uncomfortable. It’s why willpower, discipline, and tighter boundaries don’t actually solve the problem.
Work with me:
- Breakthrough Intensive - You already know you should slow down, delegate more, stop overcommitting & be emotionally present. So why can't you? That's what we figure out in 90 minutes + integration call 2 weeks later. Book your Breakthrough
- Exhale: Private Coaching - For women ready to do this work until it sticks and you can't revert back. 4 open spots: Work with me
Transcript
On Tuesday, we talked about why therapy helps you understand that you're stressed and maybe why you're stressed, but it doesn't help you stop being stressed. That episode honestly might be one of my favorite episodes to date, and I shared lots of personal stuff, but also,
specific steps on what to do if you go to therapy and you want more out of it. But today we are going to dig into one specific pattern that I hear from a lot of my clients and that is why you can't make yourself stop working even when you want to, even when you're exhausted, even when you know you quote-unquote shouldn't check your email at 9 p.m. but you do it anyways. If you tell yourself you'll spend 15 minutes in your office on Sunday night but
One to two hours later, you're coming out and you're feeling guilty about it, or you can't turn off notifications without feeling really anxious because what if someone from work needs you? If any of those things resonate, then this episode is for you. So grab your journal or open Google Docs, or if you are busy with your hands, if you're driving or doing dishes or laundry, you can just think through these prompts as they say them.
and save this episode so that you can come back to them later and actually journal through them.
Prompt number one. What is one work behavior that you know you should stop but you can't make yourself stop? Maybe it's checking emails in bed, working late on Sundays, or keeping notifications on just in case.
Prompt number two. Now ask yourself, what do you think will happen if you stop doing this behavior? What is the fear beneath it? What is the just in case? Maybe it's someone will need me and I won't be able to respond. Maybe it's I'll fall behind or something will go wrong and it will be my fault. Write down that fear that keeps you doing this thing that you know you shouldn't do or that you don't want to be doing.
Prompt 3, and this is the one where we go beyond awareness. Ask yourself, what does this behavior give me? Or what would I lose if I stopped? Maybe this behavior, even though you don't like that you do it, maybe it makes you feel important, needed, or in control. Maybe it makes you feel productive, responsible, or valuable. down what you would lose.
This is the root. This is what's actually keeping you stuck.
Prompt number four, our last one. Based on what just came up for you, what belief about your worth or value is tied to this work behavior? Maybe it's my worth equals being available 24-7. Maybe it's if I'm not needed, I'm not valuable. Or maybe resting equals being lazy. So try to name the belief because that
is what needs to heal for you to actually be able to stop working and be present with your family.
Amazing job. This is deep work and I'm really, really proud of you. And just know too that what you just uncovered, you can't just willpower your way through this. You can't just have better boundaries or be more disciplined about closing your because that belief underneath what you just uncovered, that's what's keeping you
working at 9 p.m. It's what's making you anxious when notifications are off. It's what's turning those 15 minutes to just check in on something into two hours of being in the zone. So that discipline, more discipline or a new system locking yourself out of all of your apps or your emails or your office, all that stuff is just masking the root belief. So take what you just uncovered
and sit with it for the rest of this week and this weekend, and notice when it pops up. Notice when you reach for your phone or check your emails or just have that resistance in your body ask yourself in those moments what you're actually afraid of if you didn't do the thing, if you didn't do that habit that you don't want to be doing. That's where even deeper awareness and clarity will come.
And if you're realizing that you need a little help with this, this is my expertise, and you can download the free Calm Mind Blueprint in the show notes. It's five days of quick prompts that are not gratitude prompts, they're strategic, and it'll take you from that feeling of, know that I work too much, to, ⁓ that's why, and here's what to do about it. This is the work that we do.
in that free resource and on this podcast. It's not surface level fixes. It is the root and it actually will change your life. It's a bold statement, but I know that it will. Thank you for journaling with me today and I will see you on Tuesday.
