220. Why Delegation Feels Impossible (Even When You're Burnt Out) – Part 2

Samantha Hawley (: 00:00

Welcome back to part two of our Beyond Awareness series. Today we're talking about why delegation feels hard or maybe even impossible for you. Even when you're burning out and even though you're exhausted and you say that you want more help and you do want more help, but you're not doing it. This whole podcast and this whole series is about

bridging that gap, closing that gap between knowing and actually doing. We know that we're burning out. We know that we're exhausted. We know that we want to delegate or ask for help, receive help, but we're not doing it. There have been so many times in my life when I was overstimulated or burning out, overthinking, or even just like clouded with indecision and

craving clarity. But I was so busy that I didn't have the time even to like think about that stuff. And then there were other times where I had really big goals. And during all of these times, I knew that delegating would be helpful. And I tried in like so many different ways before Griffin. So like over five years ago now, no kids to take care of, just a thriving wellness business.

a busy life, I would say. Delegating for me looked like hiring cleaning ladies for my house. When I lived in Kennebunkport, Maine, I had a woman named Stephanie. She would come, think it was, was going to say once a month, but I almost feel like was once a week, or maybe every other week. She was amazing. I had two assistants at work. I had one that helped with

my social media. Her name is Carrie and one with admin tasks, Amber. All these names are coming back to me right now. Normally I can't remember names, but I had two assistants. And so I had like a bunch of help and not honestly, like, I don't know. Before you're a mom, you're like, I had no responsibilities. And then you're a mom and it's like, oof, You have a lot on your plate now, but I still found myself filled to like the

rim with work every single day, like still on the couch with my partner, like scrolling for work at 9pm. was on calls with my team in the evening. was, remember feeling frustrated when my cleaning lady Stephanie would try to talk to me for longer than 10 minutes because I felt like it was taking away from my work time, which is just hilarious now because I had, I could work all day and I was working all day. I was working from like,

I don't know, would get up at six or seven a.m. and I would work out, have my breakfast, but I was probably sitting down at my desk to work from eight or nine a.m., probably eight a.m. five p.m., like nonstop. But those 10 minutes or more that she wanted to talk, was like, you're taking too long to talk to me. Anyways, as a mom, there's so much

I was going to say more that we're managing. And yes, I do believe that there's more, but also it's just different stuff. And so I've tried delegating in different ways, right? So like by getting babysitters or asking my mom or my aunt to watch Griffin while I work or while I'm going to a networking event or even like to go do errands or go to the gym sometimes. I also consider delegating by like having systems in place.

And what I mean by systems for me personally, because I feel like systems is different for everybody. For me, it's my Calm Mind Blueprint is one example. That is an automated system, which if you don't know, that Calm Mind Blueprint is a free resource. I link it in every single podcast, so you've probably heard me talk about it. it's a system where it delivers to you this blueprint of five journal prompts.

and then you get an automated email for five days in a row with accountability reminders so that you can do that day's journal prompt. And for me, that means I don't have to manually check in with everyone, but hopefully you feel supported and you're actually working through the prompts and you're working through your situation or emotions. And so that system allows me to help more people in depth.

without having to be so one-on-one with every single person that downloads that free resource. Another system that I have attempted cooking certain meals on certain days of the week. Like Mondays is always chicken, just like a chicken dish. Tuesdays is always a taco dish. So like taco salads or

actual tacos or something. Wednesdays is a pasta dish, things like that. That's like the goal for me. And I've attempted it so many times. Or, I mean, what I've attempted more, which is just hilarious because it's so hard to stick to for me. I've planned out actual specific meals to have specific days day of the week.

And I never follow it, but I spend so much time crafting this picture perfect meal plan for the week and literally I follow it for a day. Anyways, so I have these systems in place, but I still find myself, A, not following it like that meal plan. even though I have that Calm Mind Blueprint, I still find myself creating.

more content. find myself in creation mode all the time, partially because I love it, partially because it's my avoider saboteur. I find myself hosting workshops that I thought of before, but I never did because when I create more space in my calendar, I fill it. Don't we all? We're like, I have this space. Instead of doing the thing that I want it to do, like resting or whatever, maybe connecting with my

t. But then it a year January: 2025

a week, literally creating twice the work. And I love it. I love that Thursday episodes are my strategic journaling episodes. And the reason that I did that is because I wanted to allow my listeners to experience the actual strategic journaling work, not just get motivated and feel good and have awareness from the Tuesday episodes, but then actually put it into practice in ideally like 10 minutes or less.

five minutes, ideally. Anyways, putting more work on myself and like last minute grocery ordering instead of those planned out meals. Or yeah, just like not following it at all. Anyways, like I know what to do. I'm just not doing it. And when I was sharing all of this stuff, all of these patterns with a client, we found a very similar belief that was showing up for her and hers,

was that she was being constantly available to her team to help out, to answer all the questions, and to train them. And it was because she wanted to be that hands-on boss, but she also wanted to delegate more off her plate because she never had the time to do the things she wanted to do. She wanted to work on high-level projects. She wanted to be that visionary for

department, but she was in the trenches every day. She was literally answering questions about printers not working. And not answering questions, well, probably answering questions, but not working on the projects that only she could do based on her expertise, not guiding her company in the direction that she wanted to on that higher level because she didn't have the time for it. And this is how the gap

between knowing and doing actually works. She knew that she was too available to her team. She knew that she should delegate, but she wasn't doing it. And she tried, right? Just like me and all those examples, she was knee deep in hiring a new COO and a new bookkeeper. She was knee deep in creating SOPs, not only for herself to follow,

And she said she was also going to use them for AI so that it could be easier for AI to catch up on things. And of course, for these new hires, she also was having default responses for when employees asked her simple questions so that she could feel more confident in not going into full blown explanations and have confidence in rerouting some of these questions or training her team to be more resourceful.

She was also doing meditations to relax and ⁓ just calm down back into herself during her lunch break, all these things. But she still found herself answering those questions anyways, checking her team's work, handholding her team, or just never handing off projects in the first place because of that whole mindset of like, it's just faster if I do it. I know what I'm doing. I'll just do it myself, right?

And then of course it just repeats that cycle of being stuck in the weeds, answering those slack messages at all hours, handholding everybody and anybody instead of doing the work that fulfills you. And if you're listening, maybe you can relate to her, maybe you can relate to what my examples were. Maybe you are just on the brink in your own example, in your own world, and you're maybe drowning. Maybe not, maybe you're not there yet, but

You know you need to let go of something, but you're not, but you can't. So what's the gap? Let's bridge it because something was skipped with me and with my client and with you. Something is being skipped right now if you're listening and you're nodding your head and like relating. The reason why the solutions aren't sticking.

or they're not working at all, or maybe why you keep saying you want to delegate but you haven't done it yet, because what was skipped in all those examples was realizing that beneath the burnout and beneath seeking help are various beliefs. And I'll list a few and see what pings you, see what feels like, that's it for me.

So one belief is that I believed that the support that I have isn't enough. Because once I had help in one area, I felt like I needed help in another. As soon as I had one assistant, I was like, well, I need another. And I literally hired another. And then I was like, I need more help. I need to have somebody help clean my house. And this was all before I was a mom.

Right? Because I was creating more time and space for myself, but I found myself even busier. And then even as a mom, I just kept feeling that belief no matter how much help I had, I kept believing that what the support I did have isn't enough. And I have clients that tell me that almost every single day too. I also believed and rather I never stopped to ask myself why I was uncomfortable mentally.

and why I wanted to slow I was also uncomfortable physically slowing Like not filling that free time with implementing new ideas. Like I wanted that space in my day, I immediately filled it with that new workshop, right? And I wasn't actually trusting that what I'm doing is enough.

or embracing connection with my cleaning lady and learning something new about her or treating that time that I was talking to her as an actual break in my day. Like I could have just gotten up and had lunch during that time or I don't know made myself a coffee or matcha or whatever when I literally had all day to work. Unlike now when I have two and a half hours of focused work. I didn't trust that my

assistant was doing enough. only did I hire that other girl that I mentioned, but I was doing the same work as her so that I could get more Literally just duplicating the work so that I could get more done. All because I had this belief that more needed to get done and I was uncomfortable not doing enough, not doing more.

And then my client's beliefs, my client didn't actually trust her team to do the things right, in air quotes right now. To do them right or to do them efficiently. She felt she could do them better. And my client also felt like if she's not micromanaging, she's failing as a leader. And micromanaging felt to her like she was helping, like she was being supportive. She knew that it was a lot, like maybe a little bit too much, but it felt

good, like something she should be doing. So all of those things even fall into the awareness, I think, because it doesn't take rocket science to get to that level. What the important piece is, is the next layer. These are the root beliefs. So underneath that, like let's keep questioning and get to the belief underneath.

that level of awareness because those are the root beliefs that are keeping us, preventing us from doing something about it or from actually having the solution that we're trying work, having it make an impact on us or our team or our business or our family for long enough to make a difference. So the root belief underneath all of those other beliefs that I mentioned or

mindsets or thoughts really are these ones. If I'm not in control, everything will fall apart. And this one explains why no matter how much help you have, you still stay in the driver's seat of doing more. I literally just hosted a workshop earlier today and there was a participant that was on there and her whole thing was she felt like she wasn't doing enough.

And she felt like she should always be doing more in every area of her life. And it comes down to, it can come down to this control. If I'm not in control, if I'm not doing enough, if I'm not doing literally all of the things, everything will fall apart. Another root belief is if it's not done my way, it's done wrong. So it's not even about efficiency. It's not even about how fast it's getting done.

that root belief of it's actually wrong. And then you can go deeper and say, when you've done things wrong in the past, what happened? Did you get in trouble? And is that what you fear is gonna happen? If your team does something wrong, what's that ripple effect for you? Another root belief could be, when I'm needed by others, I feel worthy.

or indispensable. So you make yourself available. It's exhausting, right? You're maybe burnt out or burning out. You're overwhelmed or overstimulated. You want to delegate. But if your root belief is that when you're needed, you feel worthy, or you are in a position in your company that you're indispensable, then you're going to stay that micromanager.

or if it's easier to think of it this way, flip it. When I'm not needed, when people don't need me, I feel useless or I'm unworthy or I'm not valued by others. You don't wanna feel that. You don't wanna feel not valued or useless or unneeded. Unneeded, not needed? So again, you're gonna do what you gotta do to stay connected.

And that kind of leads to the last root belief I have of asking for help or receiving help is confirmation that I can't handle it, that I'm failing. So if that's confirmation that you're failing, you're not gonna ask for it. You're not gonna receive it, even if people are offering it to you. And that's a little glimpse into part three next week.

These are all examples of the root beliefs that are preventing you again from taking that action or what's making your existing actions not work or stick or having that impact. Like I said earlier, they're the beliefs that you have to dig into to process them, understand that they're there in the first place and then question them. And the questioning piece is so important because

That alone sometimes heals it because immediately it invalidates it. But even if it doesn't, it just creates that wiggle room. creates that space to weaken the grip that it has on your brain, on your habits. And then reframe this belief and then you can release it so that the pattern of fearing delegation, of fearing doing less, literally doesn't exist anymore.

And it's an amazing feeling and you go about your day trusting yourself, trusting your team. And it's just so refreshing. A couple of permission slips though that I wanted to leave with you to help kickstart this are you can lead without controlling. Done is better than perfect. Your team is waiting for you to give them more responsibility and your team's success doesn't diminish yours. It highlights it.

So take one, take them all, or leave them. But if you saw yourself in today's episode and today's patterns that were mentioned and you realized that you're not actually stuck in your overwhelm or lack of delegation because you don't have enough help, you're stuck because you can't trust that you already have the help and you can't trust them or yourself even,

or that you have a fear of not being needed and what that would mean about you, and you want more guidance on getting to the bottom of it and you want some support in that, that is what we would dig into in a breakthrough intensive. Those are the 90 minute calls to figure out what's letting go, what letting go means to you and why it feels impossible, why it feels so hard so that you can close your laptop at 5 p.m.

that you can trust your team is handling— I almost said shit. I can say shit on this podcast. You can trust your team is handling shit so that you can feel like you did enough and actually have that mental space left for your family at the end of the day so that you're giving them the best of you, not what's left of you. Is that the quote? Instead of just being at work in your head for the rest of the day and just exhausted all the time.

If that sounds like something you're interested in, click the link in the show notes for details on those breakthrough intensives or the Calm Mind Blueprint that I mentioned earlier. And again, come back on Thursday for the journaling episode where we are going to work through your specific control patterns around delegation. And next Tuesday is part three of the Beyond Awareness series. It's the final part. And we're talking about why you keep saying yes when you want to say no and why boundary scripts

haven't fixed it yet. I'll see you then. Thank you so much for tuning in.