228. Journal With Me: When Being Called Sweet Doesn’t Feel Like a Compliment

Samantha Hawley (: 00:00

Welcome back to Beyond Awareness. If you listened to Tuesday's episode, this journaling episode is for you because on Tuesday we talked about sweetness and how being called sweet can feel like a compliment and it can feel like a gut punch at the same time. And so today,

We are digging into the beliefs underneath the label of being called sweet itself, because I wanna talk about it. Even as I was recording that episode, I was like, there's something here. And I journaled on it afterwards about why being called sweet

Stung so much in the past even up until recently even though I knew it was meant as a compliment and we all know It's meant as a compliment most times and so before we get into the actual prompts I want to share something personal with you Because I think it'll help you see where we're going today with the journaling prompts and just set the stage So my ex's family used to call me sweet Sam. I mentioned

Tuesday's episode I used to have people in my life that called me sweet Sam that's who it was and I Knew that they meant it kindly But every time they said that they called me that something inside of me cringed a little like I hated that nickname and It took until recently to understand why that cringe happened and it was because

when I was journaling through it and reflecting on the moments that they specifically were calling me sweet Sam, I realized that I was quiet in those moments or I was agreeable. And likely, like a lot of the time, I just didn't have a lot to say and I wasn't speaking up. And I think that sweet felt less of a compliment and more of like,

like a mirror almost, reflecting back how small I felt inside. Like, sweet was like what I wasn't doing or what I wasn't saying. And I don't think that they meant it like that, but again, sweet was always said during one of those times where I wasn't saying anything or where I was just like, yeah, and just, you know, agreeable. But it also followed me into work, like when I was working at General Electric.

My bosses loved me and my coworkers loved me. My bosses called me nice. And honestly, I think they did call me sweet and kind, a good team player. maybe it was because I was younger when I was there, but it was never like Sam is a great leader. Sam is bold. Sam is decisive. It was never that. And I even won.

the Unsung Hero Award on my college cheerleading team, which is basically the trophy for Quiet Leader. It's like the person who leads from the back almost. And at the time I remember thinking, is that good? Like, is that what I want to be? The one that nobody sees? I mean, they see me, but I'm not loud. I'm not the hero. I mean, that year.

I actually was voted to be the captain, but then my roommate was upset that she wasn't voted captain and so it was taken away from me. It was crazy. Man, I should journal on that. But anyways, the thing is is that I was doing bold things, right? On the cheerleading team at work, I was doing bold things. I was decisive. I earned a huge bonus at GE one year and they trusted me enough to send me to Asia.

solo for two weeks to manage their clients. And I was doing the work. I just wasn't doing it loudly. And Sweet felt like proof that the quiet version of Bold didn't count. And then recently, I challenged someone on a call. was what the Tuesday episode was about. And I asked her the hard questions. I pushed back on some of her systems and

Afterwards, the feedback was, Sam is so sweet, which blew my mind. I literally sat there as this feedback and was like, what? And that's when I realized sweet wasn't the problem. It was my relationship to the word and what I'd attached to it and what I'd decided it meant about me. But I decided that sweet being sweet meant. And so that is what we're digging into.

Not whether or not sweetness is good or bad, but what it means to you and where that meaning came from and whether it's actually true or not. The prompts are in the show notes as always. So if you want to save this episode and come back to it, or if you want to come back and do them again because they're pretty deep, then yes, go ahead and save the episode. But for now,

Go grab your journal or open Google Docs, even the Notes or Journal app on your phone, and let's dive in.

Prompt number one. When someone says that you are sweet, how does it land? What are the good connotations that you feel and the ones that rub you the wrong way? Write down both sides.

Prompt two. When you think about those negative connotations,

the ones that rub you the wrong way, where did that come from? Who labeled sweetness in that way or what was the tone or the situation, the moment that made you attach that meaning to the word? And it might help you to pick one or a few specific situations where you were called sweet and relive it for a moment.

Prompt 3. Now, get curious with me for a second. Were those people actually saying those things about you? Or was the word sweet holding up a mirror to something that you already felt about yourself internally? Were they defining you or were they accidentally highlighting an insecurity that you were already carrying?

Prompt four, what proof do you have that the negative version isn't the whole truth? That your sweetness also means the opposite of those things? Where have you been bold, decisive, direct, or powerful, or whatever words showed up for you in your mirror, even if it was quietly? Write down all of your proof and brag about yourself here.

Prompt five, this is all about what you want sweetness to mean for you. So finish the sentence. I want sweet to mean that I am, and I want my sweetness to be perceived as.

Prompt 6. As you look back at Prompt 5, are you already living that? And if yes, do a little happy dance and celebrate it. And if not, what is one small thing that you can do to close that gap? Not a big overhaul or changing your personality, but just one small thing this week or maybe even today.

amazing job. For me, I wanted my sweetness to mean that I'm kind, that I'm caring, and direct. And I also wanted my sweetness to mean that I know what I want and I'm unapologetic about asking for it. And when looking at that, I already know that I'm kind and caring and direct. So that was what I was celebrating.

and finding more proof of in my life of times when I'm showcasing all three of those things. But where I want to grow is knowing what I want clearly enough that I can ask for it out loud. So my one thing was simple. It's before I fall asleep. And I mean, like, literally lights are off. I'm taking a few deep breaths to try and fall asleep. I'm spending those minutes thinking about what I actually want.

And small things like for my day, what do I want tomorrow to look like? How do I want my conversations to go? How do I want to feel in conversations that I might have tomorrow? How do I want my relationships to feel? How do I want to feel in my relationship and in my business? Because I know that you can't ask for what you haven't named yet, for what you haven't visualized. And so...

That is what I'm doing to get more clear about what it is that I want so that I can ask for it and be unapologetic for it. And so that is your entry. Congratulations. And notice what came up for you, especially in prompt three. That's usually where the real meat of it lives. I'm proud of you for doing this work. I truly am. If you did this journaling episode specifically, like out of all of the episodes,

that I share with you on Thursdays, we are cut from the same cloth. And I would love to hear what came up for you. So connect with me at any of the links in the show notes or email me directly at hello at samantha-says.com and follow the podcast if you don't already so that you can tune in next Tuesday. All right, I will see you then.