230. Journal With Me: How to Stop Relying on External Structure and Start Trusting Yourself
You set the alarm. You follow the plan. You stick to the routine.
But underneath it, there’s this quiet fear that if you don’t, everything might fall apart. So you keep relying on structure to hold you together.
Today, we go deeper into that pattern. Not to fix it, but to understand what’s actually driving it and where it came from.
Journal Prompts:
- Where in your life are you relying on an external structure, system, or routine to keep yourself in check?
- What are you afraid would happen if that structure disappeared? Get specific about what losing control actually looks like.
- Where did you learn that you couldn’t be trusted to handle that on your own?
- Is there any evidence that that belief isn’t always true? Where have you been okay or even better without the structure?
- What would it feel like to trust yourself in that area? And what is one small way you can test that this week? Pick one and actually do it this week. Notice what happens.
If you’ve ever felt like you need rules, routines, or systems just to stay in control, this is for you.
Work with me:
- Breakthrough Intensive - You already know you should slow down, delegate more, stop overcommitting & be emotionally present. So why can't you? That's what we figure out in 90 minutes + integration call 2 weeks later. Book your Breakthrough
- Exhale: Private Coaching - For women ready to do this work until it sticks and you can't revert back. 4 open spots: Work with me
Transcript
Welcome back to Beyond Awareness. If you listened to Tuesday's episode, that was all about my story with not setting an alarm in the morning and how it actually helped me trust myself. And I was able to wake up without the alarm, like wake up earlier and feel so much more rested. And it was just such an amazing experience. And the whole premise was how we need external structures
because we're afraid of trusting ourselves and we're afraid of losing control. And so today is where we are going to journal to go even deeper.
I journaled on these prompts myself, and I just want to warn you that prompt three is where it gets a little bit uncomfy, and in a good way, in the best way. So grab your journal or Google Docs, the notes or journal app on your phone, whatever is available to you. And know that the prompts are also in the show notes. If you ever want to come back to them or if you are in a place where you're just listening right now and reflecting,
then you can come back to this episode and journal later on. All right, let's dive into prompt number one.
Where in your life are you relying on an external structure, system, rule, routine, anything like that to keep yourself in check? And it doesn't have to be an alarm like we talked about. It could be your calendar, your to-do list, a strict nutrition plan. Write down the first thing or many things that come up for you.
What are you afraid would happen if that structure disappeared? And get specific, not just I'd lose control or I would eat everything in the house. What does losing control actually look like in your head? And take it as far as you can. What would that mean for you, for your family, for your relationships, for your business?
Prompt 3. Where did you learn that you couldn't be trusted to handle that on your own? What experience or person or version of yourself taught you that you needed something outside of you to stay okay or to stay safe?
prompt for. Is there any evidence that that's not actually true or that it hasn't been true all the time? Is there any time that you've surprised yourself where you didn't have the structure and you were fine? Maybe you didn't have the structure and you actually thrived. Write it down even if it feels like a tiny moment.
Prompt 5. What would it feel like to trust yourself in that area instead? And not perfectly, maybe not every single time, just more than you do right now.
And also, what's one small way that you could test it this week? Maybe it's not setting an alarm for one day on the weekend and seeing what time you wake up, or not following the meal plan one day and seeing what you actually end up making or ordering out.
That last prompt, that's the one that I want you to actually do. Not just think about it, but do it and hold yourself accountable, whether that be by emailing me and letting me know what your action is, or tell your partner, even tell your kids on the ride home from school, tell them what you're going to do. Pick that small thing and do it tonight, tomorrow, this week, where you let yourself be.
the structure and see what happens. And notice what happens. That is your proof that you can trust yourself and that your world won't fall apart. Because that is one thing that I can promise you, is that your world will not fall apart. Even if you don't set an alarm and you sleep in, life will go on, right? Even if you do binge on mini Cadbury eggs.
Life will go on, right? Maybe your kids also enjoy them, right? So whatever happens, happens, note that, and then we can go from there. Follow along so that you don't miss next Tuesday. Thank you for doing this deep inner work with me, and I will talk to you soon.
Samantha Hawley (:Okay, Effie, I didn't want to end on like the, maybe your kids will also enjoy the Cadbury eggs. I wanted to end on like something more positive. So you can keep that in there and then I'm just going to wing it. So let me think of something to say.
But what I think is going to happen is that you're going to surprise yourself. You are going to realize that you can trust yourself more, a lot more than what you do now, and that you can give yourself, you should be giving yourself more credit, and that you don't need to always rely on these external systems, and at the very least, that there is another way, and that you can just stay open-minded about that. All right.
Thank you so much for doing this deep inner work with me. It matters. And you're doing the work. And your life will feel so much better and also in control, but in a healthy way, in a way that doesn't make you feel like you're gripping on for dear life. Follow along to Beyond Awareness if you're not already so that you don't miss next week's episode. And I will see you then.
