241. Journal With Me: How to Shift Your Identity (Even When It Feels True)
You keep telling yourself this is just who I am. It sounds true. Being messy. Always late. Bad with money. The one who doesn’t follow through. You’ve said it enough times that it feels settled, like something you don’t question anymore. But there’s still a part of you that doesn’t fully agree.
Those labels didn’t come out of nowhere. Something happened. A season got hard. Someone said something. Or you repeated it enough times that it stuck. And at some point it helped you. It made things make sense. But now it feels limiting.
Today you’re not trying to fix yourself. You’re just looking at what you’ve been believing and asking if it’s actually true all of the time. Even finding one small moment where it isn’t starts to shift things.
This is for you if you’ve accepted a label about yourself that still stings a little.
Prompts to sit with:
- I’m just someone who…......Write the first thing that comes up. Don’t overthink it. Go with the one that feels the strongest or the one you’ve quietly made peace with.
- Where did that label come from? Was it something someone said, a season where it felt true, or something you repeated until it became your identity. Just notice what comes up.
- Is there any evidence that this isn’t the full story. Think of one moment, one situation, or one area of your life that contradicts this label. Even if it feels small.
- Who would you be without this label? Not a completely different version of you. Just you without that story running in the background. How would you show up today or this week in a simple, real way.
You don’t need to change everything. Just start questioning what you’ve been calling true. That’s where it begins.
Work with me:
- The Leaders Table: https://www.samanthapenkoff.com/leaders-table
- Breakthrough Intensive - You already know you should slow down, delegate more, stop overcommitting & be emotionally present. So why can't you? That's what we figure out in 90 minutes + integration call 1 week later. Book your Breakthrough
- Exhale: Private Coaching - For women ready to do this work until it sticks and you can't revert back. 3 open spots: Work with me
Transcript
Welcome back to Beyond Awareness. Today, I want to talk about and journal through something that I just, it honestly puts a smile on my face and it really resonates anytime that I see it or hear it, which is you can't outperform your identity. Every time there's just something about it that when I hear it, it's like this truth bomb as if it's the first time I've ever heard it.
And I think it's because we, myself, 100 % included, are so often walking around with an identity that we've picked up somewhere along the way. And it really has nothing to do with who we are, but it's just so ingrained in us, partially because we never stop to question it, but secondly, because we just believe it to be true. And it's small things like, I'm just a messy person.
Or I'm not someone who follows through or I'm always late or I'm busy. I'm the busy one. I'm always busy. I'm bad with money. I'm not a morning person. I think I've shared this on the podcast before, but I have always said in my adult years, I'm just messy. That's why my laundry stays on the floor for like up to five days before I actually fold it. And then it still stays there for a couple more days until I put it away. I'm getting better at that.
But still, and it took until me telling my mom this, and I told her that before, but one day she was like, you know, you were always the clean twin, Sam. Your bed was always made. Your side of the room was always picked up. It was your twin that was messy. And just reflecting on that, was again, like one of those mind blowing emoji moments where I was like,
Yeah, there was a season where I was for sure messy. Like in college, you know, there was papers all over my desk. Even after that, I became messy, but I wasn't always that way. And having proof that I wasn't always that way gave me permission to not be that way all of the time and to not feel so bad about when things are messy and to...
detach from being a messy person. And so there are so many identities that I attach to and have detached from, and I'm sure that you have as well. And so today, we are going to start to question those because once you start to question, that's the first step in releasing it. And one thing I want to say before that too, is that the identities that we have
They do come from somewhere. It's not like we just made them up one day. And I want that to feel validating for you. There was something that happened, or maybe someone said something to you, or a season got hard and things piled up. And at some point, you decided, this is who I am now. And it worked for you. So that's why I believe, since it worked, that's why it stuck.
And it helped. It kept you quote unquote safe in one way, or form, but only up to a certain point. And then eventually it becomes a hindrance because I doubt that you like being a messy person. I doubt that you like being bad with money. I doubt that you like being late all the time. I'm really speaking to myself here. I don't like that I go on Amazon so often and buy things that I quote unquote need.
All these things, right? So that is what we are going to crack open today. So go ahead and grab your journal. Remember that these prompts are always in the show notes. So save this episode and come back to it later if you're not ready to dive in. And even if you are, there are a million identities that we have. So circle back with when another one pops up for you. All
prompt number one. Finish this sentence without overthinking it. I'm just someone who...
blank and write the first thing that comes up or if a few pile in, write the one that feels the strongest and this is the label that you've given yourself that you've almost made peace with like I'm the person that... So you've made peace with it but it still kind of stings. You don't love it about yourself.
prompt to. Where did that label come from? Was it something that someone said to you, a season of life that was actually true and it benefited you? Or did you just repeat it so many times because maybe someone told that about yourself or whatever the case that it became true? See if you can find the origin.
Not to blame anyone, but just to see it for what it actually is. And if you can't find the origin, that's okay too. Just spend a couple seconds here thinking about it.
Prompt three, is there any evidence, even small, that this identity isn't the full story? Just one moment, one area of your life, one thing that you do really well that contradicts this label. Write it down even if it feels like a stretch.
Prompt four, who would you be without this label? Not a fantasy future self, higher self version of you, just you without that story running in the background. How would you show up differently today? Maybe how would you show up differently this week or with your kids at work? Write down whatever comes up for you.
Amazing job. Today, we just questioned the identity and we found proof that it's not true, at least not true all of the time. But that questioning is the first step in loosening its grip and just seeing a different perspective. Changing your actual identity is a process. And that's what happens not in one journal session or one coaching session even.
That's more like my four or six month coaching package because it requires actual time to change, time to integrate a new action stemming from a new belief that we come up with in your life, seeing how people respond and getting proof that your life is actually better with it or that people don't freak you do something different. And then when you do all of that,
tackling the other fears that naturally come up when you embody this version of yourself. When you tackle one thing, then another fear or doubt or question is going to pop in. It's like an onion. But it all starts and also comes back to questioning the validity of the thoughts you tell yourself about who you say you are. So amazing job. I'm really proud of what you just journaled through. And one last thing, two things can be true.
You can have struggled with people pleasing your entire life, and you can find proof every day where you actually said what you wanted to your kid. Or you practiced sending an email without rereading it a million times to soften it, or without adding an LOL. So maybe you have struggled with your identity that you are working through today for a very, very long time, and you couldn't find the origin because it
stemmed from birth, and you can start to find proof, different proof, each day or once a week even that it doesn't have to be true, that a different identity is available for you. Again, so proud of you. This is the work. When people say doing the work, this is it. Great job today. I will see you next time.
