260. The Real Reason You Can't Make the Change You Already Know You Need

Samantha Hawley (: 00:00

Welcome back to Beyond Awareness. Today's episode is going to be juicy and delightful and also deep, I think. And you're going to really love it if you are the type of woman that has goals and you want to make a big, bold, gutsy move in your life and you can't stop thinking about it, but you're not doing it. There's something stopping you. You keep putting it off.

And I've got Laura Ora here with me today, and we're going to dig into why that is, and I think also how to get to the other side. Welcome to the show, Laura.

LauraAura (: 00:36

Hey Samantha, thanks for having me.

Samantha Hawley (: 00:38

Yeah, I'm so excited to just hear from you. I've been following you on social media and everything that you share, but also just the vibe that you put off is so welcoming, but also tough love. And also like, I've got you, like we're safe with you because even though we're talking about like the fact that we want to be doing something and you're not, that's kind of like a scary thing to admit that a lot of women

I think are nervous to share. And so I thought to kick it off, have you ever been in that place? And I know that you also talk about your past work experience. The past 18 years, I think you've been in a career and the large majority of that wasn't so great. So kind of where did all of this stem from?

LauraAura (: 01:28

Yeah, well, thank you for reflecting those beautiful words. That's the vibe that I hope gets put out into the world. So it's nice to hear that it's been received that way. I just am who I am. You know what mean? And that's one of the big things that I've had to learn in this journey is things get a lot easier and so much more enjoyable when you just allow yourself to be yourself. And you attract the right opportunities and things just flow better. And it doesn't feel like you're trudging through mud quite as often. You know what mean? Like it's just a more enjoyable experience.

Samantha Hawley (: 01:57

Yeah.

LauraAura (: 01:58

experience. So that's what I put out in the world because that's what comes natural to me. And, and I get to attract some really incredible women like you to help them make the bold moves that they can't stop thinking about but keep putting off.

So yeah, so I've been an entrepreneur for 18 years. It's been a minute and a half. The first 16 of those years, I ran a branding agency. So my background is in graphic design and branding. My very first job was designing ads for the, wait for it, phone book, the phone book. So we're gonna go back in the archives. can, they, not, mean, ish, not even close to the way that they did before.

Samantha Hawley (: 02:30

Wow! Do those exist anymore?

Yeah

LauraAura (: 02:42

It didn't take long in that job for me to realize like this is this is not where I want to be it was very limiting it was I wasn't able to flex my creative muscles the way that I wanted to I knew very early on that I wanted more control over my time and my energy and my schedule and so the one of my first big gutsy moves was quitting that job when I was six and a half months pregnant to start that agency so

Samantha Hawley (: 03:06

Wow.

LauraAura (: 03:07

call it hormones, call it a gutsy

move, call it a mixed bag of tricks. I made it, and it worked out. And it didn't, I say it worked out, not in a smooth, perfect way, but in a way where I learned a lot of things. So over 16 years, I grew it the way that I was supposed to. I started with myself, and then it's, when are you gonna hire your first employee?

Samantha Hawley (: 03:13

We love it.

LauraAura (: 03:32

when are going to hire your second employee? When are you going to get an office? When are you going to expand? When are you going to do this? And guess what I did? I did all those things. I did everything the way that the books, whatever that book is, tells you that you should do. I think it's more the expectation or what other people are familiar seeing. And it wasn't all bad, but I kept dismissing how I was feeling. You know, like one of the biggest punch in the gut moments that I realized was,

I've built my business off the backbone of my insecurities, people pleasing to the max, overachieving to prove myself, working myself into the ground because, you know, because you're not, if you're not busy, if you're not productive, you're not winning, right? You're not succeeding. Things are going to fall apart. I hadn't worked on or healed any of these parts of myself at this point in my life. And I just wanted to continue to prove that I could do it. I wanted to make sure everyone was around me was happy so that nobody left.

Samantha Hawley (: 04:08

Mmm.

LauraAura (: 04:32

And when COVID hit, all these signs and symptoms were there. Things were getting tough. Payroll was getting tough. My health took a tank. It just was not good. And I ignored all those things. And then COVID happened. And it forced me to look at it. It forced me to make the decisions that I, in the back of my mind, knew that I needed to do. So I did everything other than what I needed to do. I danced around it.

Samantha Hawley (: 04:50

you

You

LauraAura (: 05:01

I pretended like it wasn't a problem. I kept saying, you know, let's just give it a little bit more time and we're about to hit that next mark. And that shit never came. It didn't. And it's because deep down I knew that I needed to make a change. And so I did. And ultimately I had to, unfortunately, lay off my entire staff, pack up all of my things, move back into my home office and figure out my life again.

Samantha Hawley (: 05:10

Hmm.

LauraAura (: 05:27

Like, what do I want to do? And one of the most important questions that I asked myself then, that now I work with my clients on first, is asking the question, what do I actually want? Like, what do I actually want? And being willing to honestly answer that question. So fast forward. I mean, the answer to that question for me at the time was, I want to speak. I want to coach women. I want to expand my podcast.

Samantha Hawley (: 05:38

Mm-hmm.

LauraAura (: 05:55

And I didn't know what that looked like or how that was going to happen or, you know, how do I do this? How do I make the shift? And fast forward a couple of years later, I sold that agency and went all in on speaking and coaching. So it's been a wild ride. You know, when you're when you're in a career or you own a business, you know, your your personal stuff doesn't go away. It gets amplified. It comes to the front of the line and making moves, you know, whether they're big, small or in between.

Samantha Hawley (: 06:09

Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

LauraAura (: 06:23

requires us to get really honest with ourselves. And I think that that's where we get hung up.

Samantha Hawley (: 06:27

Yeah. How did you know that it was time to do the inner work? Because it sounds like your business wasn't super impacted. Like it wasn't like you were going underwater or you you had...

a scenario where like your employees were stealing from you. wasn't, it didn't sound, or maybe there was, like maybe I should say, was there a moment where your business was screaming like, hey, this isn't working? Or like, how did you know that it was, the solution wasn't another new hire? The solution wasn't, ooh, let me try and add, let me do this. The solution was to go inside.

LauraAura (: 07:10

Yeah, so the punch on the face moment was when my employees' paychecks bounced. And I looked at my desk, which had six months, six months of my own paper paychecks, because that's how we did things still then, sitting on my desk, uncashed. That's a realization moment. When I'm getting letters from my mortgage company warning of a foreclosure,

That's a red light. That's like, OK, Laura, we can't play with this anymore. We can't ignore what's happening. We can't ignore what we've not dealt with. We have to deal with this, or else you're going to lose everything. would I have loved to have treated that prior to that situation so it didn't affect my employees at the time, so that it didn't affect my bank account, so it didn't affect our finances? Yeah, but I didn't.

Samantha Hawley (: 07:41

Yeah.

LauraAura (: 08:07

And I don't stew on that anymore, not because I don't have a heart, but because I realize I'm a human. And sometimes we have to go through these experiences to gain the information, the experience, the tools, the knowledge, the connection, whatever it is that we need. If we're open to it, we're gathering those things so that we can make different decisions in the future, so that we are better equipped so we can see things sooner in the future. So yeah, there were some real tough days.

where I was like, all of this, know, one of the honestly one of the hard pills to swallow. I allowed it. I allowed it. Not because I wanted to. Not because I went in and thinking like, you know what I'm gonna do? Like just not pay people. No, let's I mean, clearly not the case. But I was so wrapped up in making sure that everyone else was happy and taken care of that I ended up dropping it. I dropped it in the end.

Samantha Hawley (: 08:37

Yeah.

Yeah.

Mm.

LauraAura (: 09:04

So that was one of the big moments, the big aha, like, okay, some things have to change. Because if I don't change this, it's gonna get way worse.

Samantha Hawley (: 09:10

Mm-hmm.

Yeah. And to your point, I think a lot of people are in the headspace where that moment comes and they still think, okay, I do have to do something drastic, but taking the time to go internally and to journal through it or to face my people pleasing or whatever it is, that would slow me down. That won't bring in income. That won't. That's not the solution.

And so there's podcasts like this and like your podcast that hopefully will bridge that gap and help them see that this can expedite that. But I think the fact that you took that as your red light that's like flashing in your face and to do something different, not that tangible solution of something external is so different than what a lot of people do. And so before we have so many questions, but before we get to like how you

moved through it and help other people now, do you remember what that first thing was that you did back then? Like internally.

LauraAura (: 10:23

internally. Oh, geez. One of the first things that I did was faced my fear around having conversations around money. So tiny backstory, I did not grow up with money. In fact, I grew up in a very scarcity minded. Money is the root of all evil money leaves just as quick as it comes kind of upbringing, right? So hello, money trauma. It showed up. It showed up.

Samantha Hawley (: 10:50

Yeah.

LauraAura (: 10:52

so one of the very first things that I did was face the fact that I needed to have conversations with people about the money situation. And so I, one day I was like, I've got to just rip this bandaid off. I have to talk to people. I have to face this fear. You know, I was filled with shame and guilt and worry and uncertain. And if I just don't look at it, then I won't, I won't have to face what's going on. Right. And it's like, no, that, that doesn't work. Spoiler alert, that doesn't work.

eventually it's going to come back around. one of the first things I did was make phone calls. I called everybody that I owed money to. This is the situation. This is what's going on. I'm sorry. What can we do about it? And I was so incredibly taken back at the support at the genuine we get it we understand let's work this out together on the other end of those phone calls.

And I think that that was just a really nice kind of soft landing for me, a little reassurance that my body needed to know that people are willing to help. People want to help, but we have to be willing to help ourselves first. We have to make that first move. Because if not, we're just out here floundering on our own. We're making up circumstances that don't really exist. We're making the stories way bigger and way more ablaze than they actually are.

Samantha Hawley (: 11:55

Mm-hmm.

LauraAura (: 12:16

So that was pretty life changing. And it was like, OK, that big scary thing is done. And I feel like, is this control? Like, good control? Like, do I feel like I'm actually back in the driver's seat and we're not off-roading anymore? OK, if I did that, what else can I do? And it started to build this confidence, and it started to build momentum, and eventually we got completely out of that situation. So it's facing that first thing that you're terrified about. It's.

Samantha Hawley (: 12:39

Mm.

LauraAura (: 12:44

doing the thing that you keep dancing around, that you keep pretending isn't there or isn't real, right? Like you're filling up your time in your day with everything other than the thing that you know that you need to do. I can promise you, when you do that, it will always take you less time than you actually think. And you will feel 10,000 mental pounds lighter after it's done. So you know what that if you're listening, you know what that thing is.

Samantha Hawley (: 12:56

Yeah.

Yep.

Yeah.

Yeah, so good. And I like what you said too about how the response that you got felt so supportive and the opposite of what you expected. I love giving the tip from personal experience of just doing the thing and witnessing their reaction because I'm also a former people pleaser. And one thing that I...

have been working on with clients, but also like when I was married, I was walking on eggshells all the time. So speaking up in general, like with my family and even like with my son, it's kind of like a game to me now. I'm like, can I do it? Can I say the thing? And then what will they say back? And it's so shocking when they say nothing. I'm like, wait, you're not mad? You don't, that didn't just like upset you? Cause in my head as a former people pleaser and like,

They would hate me, they would never talk to me, they would fire me as their boss or whatever, you know? And so hearing your story of like, supported you, they understood, it's just a complete reframe that, do you think that that helped you take the next gutsy move?

LauraAura (: 14:25

for sure, because it, it just, gave me some reassurance because I, you know, I think a lot of the pressure in that particular situation was the unknown. And I think that's true in a lot of situations is like this, there's this big kind of scary gap between where you're standing and the thing that you know, it's time to do, where our brains love to go on a little skip through the woods and create scenarios. And we fill in the story and we decide what they're going to say and

We figure out how they're going to react. then how are we going to react to what they're going to react to? You know what mean? Like, holy moly. It gets very noisy very, very quickly. And so just making that move, even that very first phone call, it started to make that big scary space a little bit smaller. And the next call was a little bit smaller and a little bit smaller. And then it was like, this big space is actually not that scary. In fact, it doesn't even exist. I was just making a bunch of shit up.

Samantha Hawley (: 15:25

Yeah.

LauraAura (: 15:25

So

it for sure gave me the confidence to keep going.

Samantha Hawley (: 15:29

Yeah, so good. Okay, let's talk about the first question that you ask yourself and that you ask your clients, which is, what do I want? Or what is it that you actually want? Because that, I think, is a loaded question. I'm curious what your thought, right? Like, I was asked that by my therapist. I share this all the time. And I was like a deer in the headlights. I was like, I don't know. So, and by somebody who always lived like you by the shoulds. It's like, I should do this.

LauraAura (: 15:43

it's a big one. Yeah.

Samantha Hawley (: 15:59

This is familiar. I'll go in this path. I'll go to business school. That seems good. Right? So how do you coach someone to find that answer for themselves?

LauraAura (: 16:10

Yeah, well, yes, it's a loaded question. It's a simple question, but it's gargantuan, especially if you've not explored that or you've not explored it out loud. What we think and feel in our minds is very different than what we vocalize and what we move on. So usually when I ask people this, the very first reaction is, I have no idea.

Samantha Hawley (: 16:23

you

LauraAura (: 16:34

I haven't had time to stop and think about that. No one's ever asked me that question before, or they just kind of sit and they're like, I just I'm not sure what the right answer is. You know what mean? Because now we're even in this realm where we're trying to perfect what the right answer to this question is. And the reality is, you know, you know, it's just deep down in there.

We've not yet approached it. And so sometimes it's easier to kind of peel back some layers to expose what that is. If you're consciously not aware of what you want, one of the easiest things to do is to find out or admit what you don't want. That one's usually pretty easy.

Samantha Hawley (: 17:16

Yeah.

LauraAura (: 17:16

what we don't

want from a career standpoint, from a relationship standpoint, in our health, in our time, in our energy, in our business. It's pretty easy when you're like, OK, what do you not want? It comes a little bit more naturally. So knowing what you don't want, we can start to chip away at things to get closer to what you do want. The other thing that's very, very helpful is if you're not sure what the thing is, what's the feeling that you want?

So I'll give a quick example here. When I was making the shift from the agency to being a full-time speaker, I was like, OK, what do I want? What's a feeling that I'm craving? Something that I'm like, I need this to be part of my life for me to feel good and to feel productive. And for me, that feeling was white space. I need time. I want to be able to sit. I want slow mornings.

Samantha Hawley (: 18:02

Mm-hmm.

LauraAura (: 18:06

I want to be able to sit on my back porch and drink my coffee and watch the birds and zone out without the pressure of having to do something or be on. I want space between my meetings to breathe and not just be meeting hopping and meeting hopping all day long. I need space. And so when you get clear about a feeling that you want, you can start making decisions that support that instead of going away from it. So knowing, clarifying that, hey, I want white space in my day. What do I do?

Samantha Hawley (: 18:06

Yeah.

Thank

LauraAura (: 18:35

When someone says, hey, can you do a meeting today at 3 PM? I can look at my calendar and see, could I? Technically, yes. Energetically, no. No, I cannot. But you know what I could do? I could do tomorrow at 1. I get to make that decision, but now I'm supporting what I want. And when we start to do that, we create capacity. We lighten the load. We have more fulfillment. We're feeling more taken care of by ourselves.

Samantha Hawley (: 18:47

Mm-hmm.

LauraAura (: 19:05

And that opens the path for us to explore more of what that bigger want might be. So that's a little trick that comes in handy pretty often.

Samantha Hawley (: 19:14

I love that. And it's such a handy trick and it feels really cool to start embodying that feeling of like just thinking about having that white space feels cool before you even have it. What I find in my clients is that white space is just so relatable. Everyone wants that, you know, in this day and age. However, so many people can create that where

LauraAura (: 19:27

Exactly.

Samantha Hawley (: 19:41

they do get to look at their calendar and then they see, wow, I do have this blank space on my calendar, but then they fill it. Or like somebody asks, this is the only time that I have a meeting like saw available. Can you do it then? And they say, sure. So I'm so curious from your perspective, why is it so hard for people to say, okay, this is what I want, but then go back on themselves, not fulfill that.

to trust that it's safe to keep that calendar spot open.

LauraAura (: 20:15

Well, it's uncomfortable. It's uncomfortable to put yourself first. You're not used to that. So when you're saying, no, I'm not available, and then you have this white space, and what do we do? What do we do in that white space? Well, we have not yet designated how we want to use that time. So then we're like, well, then I'll start doing busy work, or I'll fill it up, or I'll work on a checklist, or I'll...

Samantha Hawley (: 20:22

Yeah.

LauraAura (: 20:41

redecorate the bathroom, right? Like we come up with all kinds of stuff because we're uncomfortable in the stillness of the white space that we wanted in the first place. So if you're like, is me, it's building that familiarity that stillness and white space does not mean that things are falling apart. It doesn't mean that you're failing.

being you're used to being busy and productive and hustling and making shit happen that when you slow down, it's like your whole system's like, my God, it's all gonna fall apart. And it's like, is it? Or am I just not used to having time? It's an adjustment period. So I think it's really important to, this is a practice, right? This is a muscle that you're building. I've gotten pretty good about being cool in my white space, but every once in a while, my body will ramp up.

I'll be sitting there and all of sudden I'm, feel like I'm like missing in a race. Like I was supposed to grab a baton somewhere and I, and I missed it. And I'm like, Whoa. And so like just even noticing that and slowing down long enough to catch when you have those feelings. And instead of running with it, I just get curious about it. Like, where's that coming from today? Like I'll talk to myself out loud a lot like, Laura, what do we, what, what's that all about?

Samantha Hawley (: 21:57

Yeah.

LauraAura (: 22:00

Whoa, we don't need to rush. sometimes I'll be washing the dishes, even at home. And I'm fast. I'm scrubbing them, and I'm pushing them over. And I'm like, whoa, there is no sense of urgency here. I'm just undoing the things that I've learned early on in life that I lived with for a long time. So you're creating a new sense of safety in your body. You're

you're learning a new way. And that requires being gentle with yourself and just noticing it and questioning it instead of blaming it or going back to what you know. And if you do, okay, I did. So next time I know more, I'm going to choose differently next time. One other quick thing I'm going to say with that too is when it involves other people, it's a little different because it's not just our own feelings and expectations. Now we've got the pressure of what somebody else wants us to do.

Samantha Hawley (: 22:50

Mm.

LauraAura (: 22:57

And so it's really important to know that when you bend on your own rules to please somebody else, the only person that's going to be affected by this is you. And how much longer are you willing to abandon the parts of yourself that need you the most? Ooh, a little bit stingy there. That's the reality. A little tiny caveat, though, if you know that white space is important to you, it doesn't mean that you're just like,

Samantha Hawley (: 23:12

Mm-hmm.

LauraAura (: 23:24

no person that I love, you can never come in here at that time, or no client, I can never bend my rules for you. You get to choose. Like I have no meeting Mondays. I don't meet with people, I don't put on a bra, I don't put on makeup, I just, work on them behind the scenes of my business. I kind of flow as I want to. So Mondays I don't communicate with usually the outside world. Every once in a while.

somebody will ask me to speak at an event on Mondays. Or a podcast host only records on a Monday. Or you know what I mean? Like there's certain situations, but I get to decide if that's an alignment. Is this something that I want to bend my rule for this time? Not cracking the door open. I'm not opening my schedule for the day. But I get to consciously choose if this is something that I want to bend that rule for. And it's the same.

for you. Like you get to decide how you want to shift those things. So it's not about closing people off from being cold and never helping anybody ever. It's about saying, no, I just I know what I need and I'm protecting that. But every once in a while we can make an exception.

Samantha Hawley (: 24:26

Yeah.

Yeah, so good. And by the way, when you said the dishwashing, it reminded me the other day, I was texting my sister in the morning and I caught myself mid texting and I was like, I am texting like a mad woman. Like literally like a fire is in my house and I need to send this before it touches my foot or something. I'm like, chill out, Sam. Like I need to slow down. And so I did, I was like, slowly with my thumbs and it felt so much better in the moment.

LauraAura (: 24:52

Yes.

Yeah.

Yep.

Samantha Hawley (: 25:06

And I'm

like, there are so many times like that. It was a couple of days after that, because I've been consciously trying to think of these stillness moments throughout my day. And I was doing the same thing with my computer charger. I was like unraveling the cord like a mad woman and like trying to, I'm like, wait, wait, wait. This is one of those moments. Take a breath. But this is what I love too about the inner work of how we started with the question of like, what do I want? And then, okay, we want that white space on the calendar.

LauraAura (: 25:20

Yeah

Samantha Hawley (: 25:36

And then once you go to implement that, it's like curiosity was the biggest thing that I took away from that. I should say curiosity in the discomfort because it's going to be uncomfortable. And that's where we can keep digging. I always tell my clients, so journaling is like my main methodology. And I always say, trust the spiral. So like, if you feel like, no, I want to say yes to someone, which...

that would be get curious and it's like people pleasing is what's coming up for you. But maybe it's, no, I feel like I have to do this so that I can make more money. And then that might be like worth or productivity and something like that. it's like this onion as you're talking, I'm just picturing this onion of just like keep peeling. And that's why it's so helpful to talk to someone about this because yeah, when you're speaking it, A, it makes a lot more sense and the more you keep talking.

It's like the outside perspective is just so refreshing and can untangle it. But also it gives you direction and there's so many, there's like one common thread usually that once you underlie that, it's like, this is what it is. And you're able to practice it more consistently. Like with the whole calendar thing, I noticed, it's signed up to be on your podcast once I got your email.

And I noticed that for you, only do podcast recordings on, I think it's Tuesdays and you have limited times. And that's something for me that I've been saying for at least a year. I'm like, I should just do podcast recordings one day a week. But I also have Mondays with no meetings and Fridays with no meetings. So in my brain, I'm like, I've got Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday.

LauraAura (: 27:05

I do.

Samantha Hawley (: 27:27

where those are my meetings for podcasts, recordings, clients, all of that. And I'm still working through like, but what if there's a guest that it's like, they can only do it on Thursdays and I really want them, but I chose Tuesdays. And so I love this because it's like, well, A, if I really want them, I can choose to bend the rules. like what, for me, I'm like getting curious, like what is that fear though of sticking to Tuesdays? Like there's something there that I want to journal on of like,

blocking off those other days.

LauraAura (: 27:59

Yeah, I mean that you're there's some people pleasing for sure that's that's coming into that because you want to you want to make it as easy and accessible to everyone always at the expense of your your deep knowing that it would be easier for you to go all in on one day.

I listen, I'm a big fan of once you find out what you need or what you want, setting up a tool or a system or something in place that helps you hold that boundary. And for me, that was, I use Calendly for my, for scheduling meetings and scheduling podcasts, interviews and stuff. And the great thing about that tool is once you decide you can go in and I, it's only Tuesdays because I set it up that way.

It helps me hold that boundary. And yeah, sometimes I interview somebody in Australia and we have to make an exception. Cool. Again, I get to decide. But what I was finding was interviewing on a Tuesday morning and then Wednesday afternoon and a Thursday night and a Friday morning is like, I for me know that like interviewing is a deep process. I also learned I have a max.

It doesn't seem like it would take a lot of energy, but it takes a lot of energy. And so what I'm just like, I'm ping ponging all around and I'm going from this very specific mode of interviewer to coaching a client to pitching to speak on a stage somewhere to working with my clients inside the Gutsy Collective. that ping ponging, my brain does not like.

I'm very ADHD, so I ping pong in lot of other ways. But with that type of deep work, I need to have a lane.

And I think this is a really important piece is to get to know yourself and what you need. Where do you feel stretched thin? Where does it feel like too much? Where are you feeling like that upper limit is? And then set up tools, systems, boundaries, whatever in place to help you help yourself. And so when I switch from you can book it anytime you want to only Tuesdays, it's been only Tuesdays for like six years. very few people bark at me about it.

really want to be on my show. They make exceptions. And they choose whatever day and time works well for them. But I know that I get to serve my, my guests, my audience, myself the best. When I go all in on Tuesdays, I have a max capacity of two. That's where I that's where I peek at my goodness. Three starts to get a little iffy.

And it just works, you know what mean? But like, you have to start honoring the things that you actually need.

Samantha Hawley (: 30:51

Yeah, I love that. And that leads right into my last question, which is like taking action and moving. So we've gotten to like knowing what you want and trusting that and like trusting and also getting curious around anything that comes up for you. So once you're at that point and you're like, all right, this is it. What, how do you help people with like taking ag, like making that move?

LauraAura (: 31:18

Yeah, always the million dollar question is the how. How do I do the thing? So when I'm working with my clients, a big thing is after we've done the work that we've just talked about is we've got to simplify. We got to simplify. You got way too many options. You got way too many deadlines. You got all these pieces. I've worked with a lot of female entrepreneurs, which is incredible.

Samantha Hawley (: 31:21

Yeah.

LauraAura (: 31:43

And our brains love to just go in 40 different directions all at the same time. like really kind of taking like all the things and putting them together, simplifying, okay, what do we need to focus on? What is the priority right now? What is the next step that we can take towards that? Why do I want to work on this, right? Like we're just taking all these pieces and really kind of bringing them down into something that's grounded and tangible.

So we are simplifying it, we are focusing, and we are discovering what our one next step is. And that's the work. It's not fancy. It's not a quick fix. It's not a hack. It's that over and over and over again, and then making the fine-tunements of what's going on in our head. What's the resistance that's popping up? Where are we hesitating on things? Where are we over-complicating stuff again, and then just doing that process over and over again until we catch some traction?

Samantha Hawley (: 32:40

Yeah, so good. And I love that it's rooted in the beliefs that are driving it underneath because once you know that, it's quicker to work through that. But then your actions are more aligned. It's not back to how we opened this. It's not what you should be doing. It's because it's what's working for you and it's what you actually want. And it aligns with what you're working through, which still might be uncomfortable, but it's aligned and more intentional versus

all of the shoulds and what's familiar to you and to other people. Yeah, so good. I did want to ask one last quick question about trust. So all of this, you know, the knowing what you want and then the moving, there's an element of trust in the middle of that, right? Trusting before you make the move. But in your words and perspective and, you know, experience,

LauraAura (: 33:14

You got it.

Samantha Hawley (: 33:39

How do you trust yourself throughout making bold moves like you have in your past? I'm sure you do on a daily basis as well.

LauraAura (: 33:50

this question. Thank you for asking it. It's one of my favorite things to talk about. So the biggest thing about trusting yourself is getting to know what your body is saying. Sometimes we think about trust that comes from our mind. It's rarely from there. Rarely. It's from our body.

So our body is a compass. It is forever guiding us. Our only job is to listen. But we override those feelings because it doesn't make sense, right? We push those things off to the side because there's no concrete proof. Or if we told somebody else, it would seem like we're batshit crazy, right? Like, we can't justify it, so therefore we downplay it.

Whereas, if you start to look at those feelings in your bodies, the nudges, the pools, the like, the sensations, you're going to start to learn very quickly that your body is saying yes, or your body is saying no. And when our brains get noisy, when we're starting to thinking about stuff, and we're analyzing and putting all the that's not your intuition. It's not at your brain trying to protect you.

except it just doesn't know the difference between making a bold next move versus a bear charging 100 miles an hour at you. It just automatically thinks that you're in danger because you're doing something outside of what it's familiar with. So when you tap into your body, I'm certain that you've been in a situation in the past when somebody made you an offer, there was an opportunity to do something, your favorite band was coming to town, and a friend asked if you wanted to go see them. I bet your body was like, hell yeah.

Samantha Hawley (: 35:29

Yeah.

LauraAura (: 35:28

Right? You can feel

that there's a sensation in your body where you're like, yes, let's do that. Or do you want to go to brunch on Sunday with everybody? Yes, let's do that. Right? What does that feel like in your body? Those tend to feel like I've got the kind of some markers, bricks or butterflies. So this is helpful. Take it for what it is. Everyone feels these things differently, but as a compass here.

Intuitive yeses often feel like butterflies. They're light, they're airy, they tend to be higher in the body, they're a little bit like nervous excitement, kind like you're on a roller coaster, you're really excited, but you also feel like you might want to puke a little bit, right? Like sometimes, sometimes excitement and fear kind of go hand in hand, and we have to differentiate between the two of those. But generally speaking, it's going to feel like I am nervous, but I want to lean in. That's your body's way of saying, yeah, let's do that.

Samantha Hawley (: 36:06

He

LauraAura (: 36:21

Whereas an intuitive no, if someone asks you to go to a family reunion that you don't want to go to, right? Or if you like, if someone's like, Hey, let's go to this event, but it doesn't start until 9pm. And you're like, I listen, I am on the couch at 9pm. You know what I mean? Like in your body, it's just like, like I just, this doesn't feel right. Those tend to be intuitive bricks.

Samantha Hawley (: 36:29

Yeah.

Haha

LauraAura (: 36:51

heavier, sinking lower in the body. Like something's not quite right, but you can't put your finger on it. Almost like you were gonna go put your hand on a hot stove and you would pull back. Like there's just this like knowing. And these things, whether it's a yes or a no, it rarely makes sense on paper, which is why we often dismiss it. But it doesn't have to make sense to anybody other than you.

And so if you start to get to know what your body's feelings are, what does a yes feel like? What does a no feel like? Start to play with this the next time you go to a restaurant and you order something. Pick something on the menu that you would just never eat. What does that feel like in your body? Notice that. Like, you know what I mean? Like, start to really flex that muscle and get familiar with it. And then use that as a tool to make decisions. It will always guide you to the right next place. trusting yourself is listening to your body, not all the chaos and

Samantha Hawley (: 37:27

you

LauraAura (: 37:44

your brain.

Samantha Hawley (: 37:46

That was such a complete answer with tangible action items that we will all take for homework that I want to try like right after this.

LauraAura (: 37:56

That's how I roll, friends. That's how I roll.

Samantha Hawley (: 37:58

So good.

Awesome. Thank you so much, Laura Ora. I'm sure everyone will want to go follow you, see what you've got going on. So where can my listeners get more information and learn more about you?

LauraAura (: 38:11

Yeah, come over and play with me. I'm on all the socials. My handle is at that Laura Ora. So if you like a little swift kick in the mental ass, but a really nice big hug to help you along your journey. My reels and my TikToks will serve you well. But I would also invite you to subscribe to the Gutsy podcast. That's where I'm going to dig into some of the stuff deeper with you on a basis.

Samantha Hawley (: 38:19

you

Awesome. Perfect. I'll put those links in the show notes so that you guys can go check her out. Thank you so much for being here and tapping into all the different questions I threw at you today. You did amazing. And it was truly so inspiring and so helpful. And I think my listeners and myself will, I for one, will be blocking off one day a week. I will let you know what that is for accountability. And we will all take some sort of action.

LauraAura (: 38:43

You got it.

Yes, please do.

Samantha Hawley (: 38:57

Thank you again and we will see you guys next week.